3 Things You Shouldn’t Do After A Breakup

Banuel Dogayman
4 min readMay 7, 2021


Today we will discuss the 3 mistakes you shouldn’t do after a breakup.

Even though your heart breaks, it affects the whole body. Healing your broken heart starts from the mind. People believe that only time can fix a broken heart, I’m sure you all heard the sentence: “Don’t worry time heals everything”. It’s frustrating to hear this because we can’t control time and also in most cases it’s not true. When you are sick, your body knows how to heal itself, but when your heart breaks, your mind doesn’t know how to heal it. But fortunately, with daily practice, you can work on it and teach your mind how to heal.

The first mistake people do is being dramatic. They think the pain they feel is abnormal, they think it’s something that they won’t be able to fix. They think it’s the end of the world and nothing will help them feel better. Heartbreak is a difficult situation and you’re in the middle of a roller coaster. When you become stressed, you add another layer to the situation, and you make it even more complicated. The stress affects you negatively, you can’t think of anything else, you can’t do anything else and it seems like a loop that you can’t stop.

You should try to make the situation as simple as possible. Adding layers of stress and anxiety will make the healing process longer and harder. Don’t rush your feelings, give yourself time to accept reality. It’s normal to be sad, to cry. You’ve lost someone you love. Don’t be dramatic about what you feel. When you understand that you’re going through a difficult situation and what you feel is normal, things are getting better. Let the stress and anxiety go, let love and light come in. This is how you heal a broken heart.

The second mistake you do is feeling shame and guilt. You think you are exaggerating with your reaction, you think you’re going crazy. You think others don’t understand you and also judge you and also, you judge yourselves. Adding layers of shame and guilt is a bad idea and will make the healing process harder.

You have to understand that you aren’t the only person in the world who is going through a breakup. It happened to many people, it happened to me as well. You don’t have to feel ashamed of something natural. It’s part of life and love to feel the pain and it’s something temporal. When you understand that you’re one of many, and you’re in an unpleasant situation but a normal one, you will be able to let the shame go.

The third mistake you do is letting the pain define who you are. You are going through a very painful period and you feel bad. You don’t see any hope and you are helpless. Maybe you believe that a broken heart can be fixed, but not in your case, your case is more complicated, and it can’t be healed. You believe that you will never love again, you will never trust someone again, you will never be happy again, or at least not as before.

You are in a very fragile time and you let it define who you are, and who you will be. It’s a huge mistake, don’t judge yourself and don’t make decisions under such conditions. A broken heart is something very painful and it’s normal that you can’t act as usual and that you’re afraid. All of your thoughts and fears are natural, your body tries to protect you from feeling the pain. It’s trying to look for answers and solutions, it’s like a shield. I can tell you that if you give yourself a chance and you do your best to heal yourself, it will happen. You will be able to love again, to trust again, to be happy again. It doesn’t mean you will forget what happened, and you shouldn’t. It’s a good lesson to learn from but learn what you need and let it go. Don’t hold onto the past and the mistakes. Don’t let the past and the mistakes define who you are. Only you can decide who you are and who you want to be.

I know it’s hard and I know it’s painful, you don’t need to pretend it’s not. But it can be cured, you can work on it and you will see daily progress. Let go of the stress, the anxiety, the fears, the shame, the guilt, and the self-judgment. Fill yourself with compassion, hope, and motivation to work on yourself because the reward that waits for you is amazing.

Let’s Connect

Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!

Do you prefer the audio version? Want to discover more broken heart tips? Click here to listen to the podcast episode!



Banuel Dogayman

I share my learning journey of finding medicine for a broken heart. Join my facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/UnbeatableHeart