How To Overcome Unexpected Breakup

Banuel Dogayman
4 min readOct 6, 2020


Many times, a breakup is something unexpected. When we’re in love we only see the good things about our ex. We love them so much that we just ignore all the red lights, all the clues, all the warnings. We might be in a bad relationship and yet because we’re in love we can’t see that. Maybe we even hurt ourselves and yet we’re happy because we’re in love and it blinds us. We see only the good. In cases like those, the breakup surprises us so hard and shocks us, that it’s really hard to move on, and yet it possible. Today I want to share some insights about unexpected breakups and how to deal with them.

I’ve heard about a story which amazed me, really, I’ve never heard of something even close to that and I would like to share the story with you. It’s a story of a couple. They had a very good relationship for 2 years and they even planned to buy a house together and move there. They used to see each other mainly at the weekends as each of them had 2 children and they were busy with life and things. The last weekend they had a normal, lovely weekend with a lot of love and spent time together. After that weekend the woman disappeared. She didn’t answer his messages nor his calls. He asked his sister to see if the woman posted something on social media because he didn’t have accounts. And the woman was posting things as usual. She just disappeared after 2 years without saying anything. No closure, no discussion, no warning…nothing.

For me, it’s just crazy I can’t understand that, and I can’t come with even a simple explanation of why this happened. Sometimes a breakup can shock us, catch us unready. When we believe everything is perfect and our relationship is amazing, it hits us. Suddenly, out of nowhere, our ex wants to break up. We don’t know what to do, we react dramatically. We beg them to stay, we cry, we think it’s the end of the world, we cry again. We miss our ex, we hate them, we love them, we cry again. A breakup is a total roller coaster. You experience so many feelings at once and it’s so confusing and hard to deal with.

Many times, when we think everything was perfect and suddenly the breakup arrives, we are surprised. We start to analyze the situation and try to figure out what led to the breakup. Because for you, there’s no sense. How you saw the relationship as perfect and suddenly it ended. The common thing that happens is that you blame yourself, you think you did something wrong and it convinced your ex to leave. You try to discover what it was, you use all of your energy to go through all the memories you have.

Maybe you are experiencing that right now, that obsessive thinking you can’t stop. Our mind tries to find answers, you try to look for clues and you just can’t reach to any logical reason. Probably the only person who knows why the breakup happened is your ex. Maybe they told you the real reasons for the breakup and maybe not. It doesn’t matter anymore. What is important now is to be able to let go of those thoughts and move on.

To do so, you have to find your reasons for the breakup. Tell yourself why you think the relationship didn’t work out and accept those explanations. The fact that everything was perfect and even though your ex decided to breakup has no relation to you. It’s their decisions. It can be even more dramatic as the woman in the story did. You don’t have to accept the way your ex broke up with you or the reason. But you have to understand that it’s their problem, not yours. You won’t be able to always understand people and their decisions. Sometimes they make mistakes, sometimes they’re afraid or confused, and sometimes they’re mean, bad people.

Whether the reason is, you have to focus on what you do next. What are your goals and how you can achieve them? First, let go of the past, let your mind rest. It’s very intensive to think so much about your ex and try to find the real reason why the breakup happened. Decide your reasons and make them your reality. Second, become more optimistic about the future. I was there, my ex broke up with me out of the blue. I didn’t see it coming. For me the relationship was perfect, I was so happy with her and I was sure we would be together for many years and she broke up with me. It’s destroyed me, I was hopeless, I had to start from the beginning, and I didn’t know what to do. Optimistic was the last thing I was. Now, 5 years later I can absolutely tell you that life is just amazing. Let go of the fears, they’re just temporary I am sure that amazing things are waiting for you.

Remember that you did everything you could, and this is what you have to take from this painful experience. I want to finish with a small paragraph I read, and I want to bring it to you all:” When someone walks out of your life, let them. There’s no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah, you may miss them, but remember that you weren’t the first one who gave up”

Good luck guys and I believe in you.

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Banuel Dogayman

I share my learning journey of finding medicine for a broken heart. Join my facebook group: