Should You Can Yourself For Your Ex?

Today I want to talk about change. After a breakup something changes inside of us, we aren’t the same person we were before.

Should you change yourself?

After a breakup we tend to blame ourselves, we think we are the reason the relationship didn’t work. We love so much our ex and we don’t want to blame them. We want to get them back and therefore we are ready to change ourselves. We believe that if we change ourselves our ex will see that change and be ready to come back. Maybe when you broke up your ex told you:” I don’t love you anymore because you…” and told you so many things they didn’t like about you and you had to change. People can be cruel sometimes and break up without any sensitivity. Sometimes they try to “help” you and change you because they believe you will be better.

Now you find yourself hurt and hopeless with the will of getting your ex back, or maybe you don’t want your ex back but just to move on. The surprising fact is that in both cases the solution is the same. You have to invest in yourself, improve yourself, and take care of yourself. When you’re making a process, you are moving forward, you don’t stay at the same place. You mend the broken pieces and you become a happier and stronger person. In general, this is something true for all the periods of life, not only after a breakup.

But it’s important to be motivated from the right place, your will to change needs to come from the right place. You have to want to change yourself because you want to become a better person for yourself because you want to learn the lessons this hard situation brought you. Not because you want your ex back, not because your ex told you, not because you believe it will bring your ex back.

Should you change yourself for your ex?

You might say the source of motivation isn’t important as long as you make a change, but this is wrong and let me explain why. Think about a situation you want to make your ex understand the mistake they’ve made and therefore you start to improve. For example, you start doing sport to have a better body, or you work on your weaknesses. You are full of motivation because you believe the result of your efforts in getting your ex back. Then after some days or weeks of work and we full hope you contact your ex believe they will run into your hands, and it doesn’t happen. What happens next? You break, you don’t have the motivation anymore, you understand all your work was useless and you have no chance of getting them back. Like a discharged phone, you don’t power to do anything. You stop your investment because you see no reason for that. See how dangerous it can be to put your happiness and motivation in someone’s else hands?

When your motivation comes from inside when you want to change yourself for yourself only. When you think about your future and about how you define yourself and not how others look at you, you start doing things right. You start your healing process. I can’t promise you your ex will want you after you make a change, but I can promise you will become a strong person, don’t forget you will live with yourself till your last day and this is the only person you should care about when you change yourself. When you start working on yourself, you depend only on yourself. Even if your ex doesn’t want you, who cares, you are on your healing process, you’re becoming a better person, you’re becoming a happier person.

“When things change inside you, things change around you” this a quote I believe in because I believe that once you change your inside world and become a more positive person, your environment changes and you attract better people and better things to your life.

Why would you do that?

Also, I want you to be aware of your ex-relationship. It ended and now your ex wants you to change. Why would you do that? Why would you change yourself for someone else? In a healthy relationship, both sides accept the other side as it is and only want to improve the other person and make his life better. If your ex doesn’t love you as you are and wants to change you, why should you be with such a person from the beginning? You need to ask yourself.

You and only you are important right now, invest in yourself, and build your future for yourself and achieve your goals and dreams. Change yourself because changes make us stronger, smarter, and better. Better people and better partners. Don’t let anyone make you feel less and make you want to change. The changes need to come only from inside, from deep inside, because this is how we bring magic to our lives and truly make them the best.

Let’s Connect

Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!

Do you prefer the audio version? Want to discover more broken heart tips? Click here to listen to the podcast episode!

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store