Stop Blaming Yourself For The Breakup
After a breakup, we try to answer the questions we have. Many times, we think our ex is perfect and we don’t want to blame him. So, what do we do? We blame ourselves. This is a common thing that happens to many people after a breakup. But it’s a thing you must avoid and let me explain why.
A breakup is a very painful situation. It’s hard to get used to the new situation, to forget our ex, to stop loving them, to rebuild ourselves. The situation itself as it is, already complicated. When you blame yourself, you add some more layers and make it even harder for you to move on. When you blame yourself, you don’t support your healing process, you make it more painful and harder.
What you want to do is to feel self-compassion. Embrace yourself, support yourself, and help you do what you need to be happy again, to make the situation better, and improve your mood. Your goal right now is to stop with all the bad self-talking, all the guilt you feel. Let go of those thoughts and fill yourself with positive, supportive thoughts.
Blaming yourself for the past is the wrong thing to do. Maybe you think the breakup happened because of you. You think there are things you didn’t do well, or you acted wrongly. Maybe you understand now things you regret. It’s important to keep in mind that yes maybe you made some mistakes, but no one is perfect. There will never be a relationship where you don’t make any mistakes. The difference is that your ex decided to let you go and gave up on you or brought you to a situation where you had to give up on them.
You deserve to be with someone who fights for you, who find your flaws attractive, and who tries to work on your mistakes and problems together. Don’t blame yourself for being not perfect, for making mistakes, for being human. We all make mistakes, we all are wrong sometimes.
I don’t want you also to skip on what you did. It’s always a good idea to reflect on the past and learn from your mistakes. Think about what you can do better in your next relationship. What did you learn about yourself in this situation? What will you look for in your next relationship, in your next partner?
Don’t live too much time in the past and with wonders. Don’t ask yourself “what if”. Don’t think of all the things you could have done or said. Maybe you blame yourself for loving this person after hurting you, maybe you blame yourself for not seeing all the red lights and maybe you are blaming yourself for staying too long. Whether the reason is, remember that now you are smarter. You already lived the past and you learned new things.
Today with your new information you believe you would act differently, but in these moments, you tried your best. You did all you could to be happy and to make the right thing. Maybe you understand today you chose the wrong path. But don’t regret it and don’t judge yourself for trying your best. Learn what you can to make your next relationship better. But don’t live too much time in the past because you can’t change it and you did your best.
Always remember, we are just human beings, we try our best in every single moment. Sometimes it goes well but sometimes it goes wrong, but it’s always with a good intention. When you truly understand that you did all you could, you will be able to make a huge process toward healing your broken heart.
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