Struggling To Let Go? This Is For You
A broken heart can be very addictive. It pulls you to the past, to your ex, to what happened. It makes you think about what you could have done better, and it doesn’t let you see a life without your ex. But when you live in the past, you miss the beautiful present, and this is why it’s important to know how to let go.
I want to tell the story of a man who had a relationship for 7 months. His ex said she had a checklist of the qualities needed for a man and that he had many of the qualities she was looking for. She told him that she loved him and was happy in the relationship.
Everything was perfect until the last month of their relationship when his mother got cancer, he was facing a big debt as a result of some bad decisions he made. He started to drink too much and felt so bad. One week he had a really big crisis and his ex was there for him and supported him. But after that week she decided to break up. She was scarred by his behavior and also couldn’t forget those moments he had. She told him that she didn’t see a future with him, that she didn’t think they were meant to be and that breaking up was the right thing. Also, she added they were incompatible.
The man let her go, he didn’t pursue her and respected her decision. But he was very angry, he didn’t agree with anything she said. He was sure they were compatible, he believed they were the perfect couple. He also blamed himself so much for being “weak” in front of her. He started wondering what would have happened if he would stay strong and not break as he did. He was sad and hopeless. He couldn’t let her go, he only wanted to be with her and didn’t want to accept the reality.
I think you can learn a lot from this story because it contains interesting information.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself
Let’s first talk about the week he was upset and needed her support. Did he do something wrong? Well if you ask me, of course not. You don’t need to pretend you are perfect, you’re a human and you will have moments when you feel sad or angry. Also, your partner will have such days. Supporting each other, being honest, and showing your feelings are all parts of a relationship. If it was too much for his ex, it’s her decision. Never feel bad for being you. You deserve someone who loves you just as you are. A quote I like is “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”.
Her reasons for the breakup were her reasons. It doesn’t matter if it’s reasonable and acceptable or not. Maybe also you disagree with your ex decision. Maybe you think they didn’t understand you, maybe you think they saw the reality wrongly and maybe you think they gave up too fast. But let me tell you something, it doesn’t matter because it’s their lives. They have the full right to do whether they want with their lives and decide what they want. Even if you are 100% sure they have made the wrong decision and you are determined to prove them so, you shouldn’t. You have to respect them and their decisions and give them the freedom they ask for. You can’t be obsessive and run after your ex because it will hurt their personal space, and this is something you mustn’t do.
Instead of burning your energy on being angry with your ex or their decisions, focus on accepting the reality as it is. Focus on yourself and your future. Don’t stick to the past because it won’t get you anywhere. “Don’t stay in your past when your future is calling you to something so much greater” a quote by Brenda Sawyer. Don’t live in the past because it won’t bring you where you want. There is so much good waiting for you.
You can’t change the past
Now let’s talk about his self-talk, all the questions he asked himself, all the wonders he had, his “what ifs”. It’s natural to try to analyze the relationship and wonder where you can improve but do it with thoughts about the future. Learn from the past to make your future better. But don’t stay in the past, don’t live there. I believe that what needs to happen, happens. If you need to be with someone it will happen, so don’t spend too much wondering what would happen if you acted differently, there is no sense.
The last thing I want to talk about is the fact the guy in our story wants to be only with her. It’s hard to let go when you love someone, it’s hard to accept you’re anymore together even if you want to. It’s hard but possible, a sentence I always say, and you should always remember that you didn’t lose your one but only the hope your ex was the one. It’s a huge difference and once you understand that your life will be better, and you will be able to move on.
Heartbreak is very painful, and we tend to sink into the past and live there because we don’t see any hope in the future, but the truth is that the future is amazing, and a lot of loving people are waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to be yourself with all of your flaws, accept your ex reasons for the breakup. Learn what you can from the past and use it to make you a better person.
Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!
Do you prefer the audio version? Want to discover more broken heart tips? Click here to listen to the podcast episode!