Why Being a Friend Of Your Ex Is a Bad Idea
After a breakup the best thing you can do is take distance from your ex. It’s maybe one of the hardest things you have to do. You love this person so much and all you want is to be with your ex, to spend time together, and to fix this painful situation. It’s hard because you have to do the opposite of what you want, of what you feel. It’s something hard to accept. Yet, this is the best thing you can do, the best thing for yourself and your heart. Today I want to explain why staying in contact with your ex is dangerous and why the best solution is to stay away.
A very common situation that happens after a breakup is that both sides stay friends. They say they don’t want to stop talking so they should stay friends. Most of the time, as the hurt side, we tend to accept it. Anything that will let us continue the interaction with the person we love is a great solution for us. We do it because of many reasons.
We don’t want to let go
The first reason is that we want the person we love close to us. We want to continue talking to them, seeing them, and sharing our experiences with them. We are used to having them in our lives and this idea of being friends sounds like a solution. But this is dangerous because it prevents you from seeing reality. Right now, you and your ex aren’t together anymore, maybe you will be together once again and maybe not. You have to start a new life without your ex. It’s hard to accept the reality because you are used to being with your ex. But it’s a step you have to do. If you continue your interaction with the past, you stay there. You live in the past, in an imaginary world. You have to start focusing on yourself and on your future, which right now doesn’t contain your ex.
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one”. For me, this quote explains perfectly what I’m trying to say. You have to write your own new story, you have to build yourself, your future. Don’t hold into the past, it’s just an illusion.
We have hope
The second reason why we stay in contact with our ex is that we have hope. We have hope that we will get our ex back. We believe it’s just a mistake and soon our ex will understand the mistake. We believe that if we have our ex close, it will increase the chances of getting together. Once again, it’s a bad idea because this hope of being together won’t let you move on and start your new life.
We are afraid
The third reason why we don’t want to stop contacting our ex is that we’re afraid they will move on and forget us if we do it. For me, it’s crazy, why do you need to be afraid someone will forget you? It’s their loss. If they decide to move on and continue their life without you. You should do the same, you deserve better. Even if you love them, you deserve better. The best way for happiness is to surround yourself with people who love you and want you in their lives. Not the ones who don’t appreciate you and don’t want you. Maybe you don’t want to disappoint your ex and tell them you don’t want to be their friend and maybe you are afraid they will think you’re childish, but who cares. Do only what makes you feel good.
You aren’t a toy
Another reason why you shouldn’t stay friends with your ex is that I believe most of the time it doesn’t come from an honest place. Most of the time your ex feels guilty for breaking up with you. To stay polite and feel good with themselves, so they offer you to stay friends. But think of it. Can you really be friends with your ex? How would you react if they tell you about their date? How would you react when they tell you they moved on and have a new relationship? Would you be willing to tell them about your dates? I’m quite sure all this will make you feel bad. This is why you can’t be really a friend of your ex, neither they really want to.
“Surround yourself with beautiful and positive people, who love you and believe in you” — Bryant McGill. Stay away from what is dangerous for your heart, stay away from people who use you just to stay calm and feel good for themselves. You aren’t a toy of anyone. If somebody decided to let you go. It’s their loss, don’t let them the privilege of letting you go and still have you in their life and to enjoy your amazing personality.
Once you make the hard decision of letting go of your ex and starting a period of zero interaction you will make a huge step. In the beginning, it will hurt and be difficult, and of course, it is. You have a huge hole in your heart. But as time passes you will learn how to fill that hole, with new hobbies, new people, new things you will discover, and things will be better.
The last thing I want to add is that if you can’t stop talking with your ex because you are at the same work or school, try to keep the interaction as professional as possible.
It’s time to get used to the new reality, which will bring holes and obstacles but also will be a great, amazing lesson. Let go of the hope of getting your ex back and don’t be afraid of them forgetting you. It’s totally their loss. Surround yourself with good, with people who lift you, it’s very important and it will help you move on faster. Make the hard decision and you will see how amazing your life will be.
Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!
Do you prefer the audio version? Want to discover more broken heart tips? Click here to listen to the podcast episode!