Why Do We Still Want Someone Who Doesn’t Want Us?
Today I want to talk about a strange situation that happens. Why do we stay with people who harm us? Why do we want to be with them even after a breakup? Why do we want someone who doesn’t want to be with us? I am sure that if I ask you those questions you will say there is no reason. And yet, this is something that happens to almost anyone after a breakup. It happened to me. My ex told me that we shouldn’t be together anymore and broke up with me. I didn’t accept that, and I tried to get her back, I tried to convince her she made a mistake and that we have to be together. I was sure she was wrong. If you ask me today, I don’t understand why I did it. But here’s what I learned.
Reality has changed
When you love a person, when you have real feelings, you can’t see the reality. Love makes you blind, love can be dangerous, but it’s part of love. When you love a person, you want to be with him no matters what. You see all his good qualities, all the things you love, all the things that make you feel good. You don’t see or you decide to ignore all the bad qualities, all the things you don’t love, all the things that make you feel bad.
When your ex broke up with you, the reality has changed. They aren’t in your life anymore, yet your feelings toward them still exist. You still see them like they’re perfect and here is the problem. When you can’t see the bad things in your ex, you can’t move on. It’s hard to move on when you believe you’ve lost someone perfect. It’s easier to move on when you see the reality as it is. Your ex isn’t perfect because no one is. I am sure your ex has a lot of good qualities and this is why you fell in love. But your ex decided to go, decided to give up on the relationship and give up on you. This is something you can’t ignore, you can’t ignore the fact someone decided not to have you in their lives. It’s their full right, but it’s also their loss.
“Don’t be afraid to let go of someone who is not trying to hold on to you” — Tony Gaskins. Maybe you’re afraid to let go, but I ask you to be aware that the second side lets you go, now it’s your turn to accept it, respect the decision, and move on.
It’s time to rebuild yourself
When a person you love leaves you, your world breaks, your reality changes, and you’re left lonely and hopeless. But it’s important to know it’s all in your head. Yes, heartbreak hurts, really hurts. Of course, it’s normal to take your time to get used to the new situation. Usually, breakup comes with fears. You are afraid you will never find someone better. You are afraid you will never love someone again, or at least not as you loved your ex. Because of those fears, you want your ex back. Your ex is the safe place, the place you know, the place you are used to, the place you love. But this place isn’t there anymore. Your ex isn’t there and you have to accept it.
We all have fears, especially after a breakup you’re in a sensitive situation and everything seems so scary. You feel alone, but don’t worry. Things will get better for sure and soon. Take your time to cry, but then you have to rise up and focus on yourself, on your happiness, on your future. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to love, you deserve to find someone who fights for you no matters what. In this case, you met a person who you had a great history with, but now it’s over and it’s time to continue. Maybe now it seems dramatic, but I can promise you that there are so many amazing people out there and you will find someone who will make you happy and will love you.
“Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to” — Mandy Hale. Don’t feel guilty for letting your ex go, don’t be afraid to let your ex. It’s time to be brave. You have to do it, for yourself and your happiness. A lot of good is out there, waiting for you.
Hope can be dangerous
Another thing that doesn’t let you go, is that you hope. The hope of being together again, hope that your ex will understand the mistake made, hope that things can be fixed. It’s always good to be optimistic and have hope, but in this case, the hope is bad. You can’t have your future in someone else’s hands. Maybe your ex will be back, maybe it will happen in the far future and maybe it won’t happen. I don’t know the answer and neither do you. This is why you have to let go, move on, and start focusing on yourself. You start a new life, a new version of yourself is being created right now. Do it for yourself, for your next partner. The first step you have to do now is to let go of the hope.
Letting go of the hope is difficult because it means your relationship can’t be fixed. It’s like accepting you have failed and who likes to admit he failed. But don’t look at it like this. A breakup is an amazing lesson, it teaches you so much and it makes you a better person, a stronger person, and a better partner. It will help your next relationship be better if you just learn what you can.
Remember that the lessons we learn from pain will always make us stronger and this is what I want you to take from this article. No one is perfect and neither your ex. If they decided to go, let them, it’s their full right and it’s their loss. Don’t forget that there are so many people out there and amazing people are waiting for you. Don’t miss all the new open doors because you cry on the closed door. Let go of the hope of being together again, it’s not a failure but a huge lesson. It’s time to take control of your happiness and do everything you can to be happy again.
Let’s Connect
Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!
Do you prefer the audio version? Want to discover more broken heart tips? Click here to listen to the podcast episode!
