A heartbreak isn’t something you can doubt. You can’t think as normal, you can’t do the things you do as normal and you can’t feel anything else except of this. But breakup can be confusing a lot of time. The way it ended, the reason it ended, who is guilty, can it be fixed, will you be together again, what should you do, should you wait, should you act, what would have happened if you just did that thing. So many questions, so many wonders. It’s part of the process but it’s important to know how to handle such situations.
Looking for answers is one of the most dangerous things someone can do. Keep thinking about the past, about your ex, about your relationship hold you back from moving on. Clarity helps you move on faster, it helps your mind stay calm and make the situation easier. When you’re in a situation of uncertainty you are more stressed and therefore you add pressure and increase the time you will need to move on.
Your goal is to achieve clarity in your life wherever possible. The first thing you have to do is to stop with the what-ifs, with the wonders, with all the things you could or couldn’t do differently. You have to stop with all these thoughts because they are useless. You can’t change the past, you can only learn from it and move it. Spending all your energy on your past is a waste of time.
Of course, stop thinking about your ex, your past and your relationship isn’t easy and also not always under your control. But you can and should reduce the importance of those thoughts in your life and their effect on your mood. When you find yourself thinking about the past, don’t try to fight against it. Don’t judge yourself or criticize yourself. Let the thoughts be, realize it’s something natural. When you try to fight against it you increase its power, so just let it be. Doing so will decrease their power and in the end, you will stop having the thoughts.
Another thing you have to do is to know the reason why your relationship ended. Unfortunately, people don’t know how to break up. Sometimes we don’t get any explanations, sometimes we just discovered the relationship ended from social media, or we come to an empty apartment. Sometimes we receive a general explanation like “it’s not you, it’s me” or “it’s not the right time”. Sometimes we do get a reason, but we don’t believe it. We think there’s another reason and we try to discover the real one. Most of the time a real reason doesn’t exist and most of the time the only person who knows the real reason is your ex. Trying to get the answer you’re looking for can be harmful and useless.
What’s important is that your ex decided you aren’t compatible and therefore doesn’t want to be with you anymore. If your ex gave you a reason you should accept it and not try to find another reason. Also, if your ex blames you because of the breakup, don’t blame yourself. It’s their decision, not yours. If you didn’t get a normal reason, you can just invent one that seems logical with the facts, with what you know about your ex and your relationship. Also, make a reason that respects you and your self-esteem. Studies show that when you know why the relationship ended it increases your chances of moving on.
Sometimes our exes don’t leave us, even though they broke up with us. They have an ego and they don’t want us to move on, they want us to still love them or maybe they still care about us. Whether the situation is, you need to ignore their behaviors. You have to focus on yourself and your future. You have to do only what you want and make the situation as clear as possible. Don’t let your ex confuse you and make you feel uncomfortable.
Remember that clarity in your life is important. Try of all efforts to free your mind from self-criticism, fill yourself with feel love and hope and things will be amazing.
Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like no one understands your pain? I have good news for you, you’re not alone! There are so many people who are in your place and this why I created a supportive community. Join our amazing Facebook group and connect with others who try to heal their broken heart. You will also get access to more information, tips and my personal support. Click here to join the group!
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